Hello, as many of you know I have taken a very long hiatus from my art, writing, painting & etc. Some of you may be wondering when I will rejoin the creative world, though many of you do not ask why.
Here is my why. FIBROMYALGIA.
Fibro takes a huge chunk of my energy and flushes my good moods down the toilet.
Fibromyalgia is like a migraine all over my body.
Sometimes it can feel like I was in a bad accident with every muscle being bruised.
Also, You know how you feel when something wakes you up in the middle of the night, after just a few hours of sleep? That's what it's like every morning, no matter how much I sleep. Sometimes I feel like that all day.
Also, have you walked into a room and forgotten why you're there? Or struggled to find the right word? It happens to everyone now and then, so i can say that fibro fog is like that, only all the time.
Probably one of the most difficult things for people to understand about fibromyalgia is the way our symptoms rise and fall. People tend to think of illness as a constant, so it's confusing for them to see me doing well one day - or one minute - and unable to function the next.
Fibromyalgia symptoms come and go, kind of like in multiple sclerosis.
My brain and nerves are hypersensitive and over-react to pain and all sorts of other things, and my hormones and immune system are messed up, too.
I know some of you think that "brain" equates to "psychological," Fibromyalgia is neurological, which puts it in the same category as diseases like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.
My doctor still haven't put my on any pain meds other than aleve 5x a day.
I'm going to a sleep therapist to try to help me sleep better, because I have chronic insomnia.
I'm trying to find a psychologist to help me get back on my depression & anxiety meds. I have been more sad and feeling hopeless than I have in a very long time. I don't like going out anymore because I'm afraid to. I'm afraid of showing pain and what people think of me. A 28 yr old who acts like a old lady and hurts.
Food smells awful to me sometimes. I lack a sense of wanting to eat sometimes. But then I will eat everything sometimes.
Tonight I mustered enough energy to bake a cx breast. I just pulled it out of oven and now to me it smells bad. Like the cx is bad. And I will probably put it in fridge and not eat tonight.
My whole body is achy. My energy is zero.
I just want to cry.
I just want to be normal.
I miss the "old" me. The me who didn't deal with pain constantly. The me who laughed for real, not out of nervousness.
Now you know.